Category Archives: mental health

More “mangled guts pretending”

Leave a reply

Earlier in the week I quoted from Tony Kushner’s Angels in America re the difficulty, the gut-wrenching pain which can accompany change.  I would like to elucidate a bit further on this score.  Kushner concludes this description of the intense pain of change with the observation, “And then up you get.  And walk around.  Just mangled guts pretending.”  His point was that at some point in your suffering you must “get up” and “walk around” even if it involves a lot of pretending.

It is very important that we “walk around” but not in the sense of wandering around aimlessly.  It is important that we act with purpose and meaning, that we act productively, even in the midst of our suffering. This can be as simple as getting up from bed and getting the kids off to school, or cleaning the dishes, or watering the plants, or visiting a friend.  And you won’t necessarily “feel like” doing these things.  But it is imperative…if at all possible…to muster up the energy to take action.  This can be an effective antidote to the actual abyss of depression which is a debilitating inertia.

Shakespeare in Hamlet noted the importance of action.  Hamlet declared, “Assume a virtue, if you have it not.”  He then elucidates, though with Shakespearean wordiness, “That monster, custom, who all sense doth eat, of habits devil, is angel yet in this, that to the use of actions fair and good he likewise gives a frock or livery, that aptly is put on.”

And in Hamlet’s famous “to be or not to be” soliloquy he notes that great ambitions and plans are often “sicklied o’er with the pale cast of thought” and in the process “lose the name of action.”

Marilynne Robinson and Neediness

Leave a reply

One of my favorite lines from Marilynne Robinson‘s novel, Housekeeping, is, “need can blossom into all the compensations it requires”  We are by nature very needy creatures, you might even say “needful things”, and one of our tasks in life is to explore this neediness and find appropriate, adaptive compensations.

And neediness is a quality that we should not insulate ourselves from; for, it should beckon to us at times in our life and we can learn that it can be the doorway into further, more mature “compensations.”

Unfortunately, we often attach ourselves to maladaptive, immature “compensations” and it is always hard to give them up.  We are often addicted to them.  We prefer to “cling to these ills that we have, rather than to fly to others that we know not of.”  (Shakespeare, Hamlet.)

 

“mangled guts pretending”

Leave a reply

Playwright Tony Kushner’s HBO mini-series (2003), “Angels in America” is one of the best things I’ve ever seen on television.  Starring Al Pacino, Meryl Streep, and Emma Thompson it was a poignant portrayal of 1980’s gay culture in America as it dealt with the AIDS issue.  It was beautifully written and acted.

One of my favorite lines has to do with the question, “How do people change?”  The question is posed rhetorically in a museum and a pioneer woman mannequin comes to life and answers:

Well, it has something to do with God so it’s not very nice.  God splits the skin with a jagged thumbnail from throat to belly and then plunges a huge filthy hand in, he grabs hold of your bloody tubes and they slip to evade his grasp but he squeezes hard, he insists, he pulls and pulls till all your innards are yanked out…and the pain!  We can’t even talk about that.  And then he stuffs them back, dirty, tangled and torn.  It’s up to you to do the stitching.  And then you up you get.  And walk around.  Just mangled guts pretending.

The point is, change is difficult.  And Kushner writes poetically and thus overstates the issue.  We all find change painful but, mercifully, not that painful!  But we prefer be-bopping through our life, mindlessly following some script that we subscribed to in early childhood, not deigning to apply “mindfulness” to our lives.  To do so inevitably exposes themes in our lives, basic assumptions, that are maladaptive to say the least.  As Adrienne Rich noted once, “Until we know the assumptions in which we are drenched, we cannot know ourselves.”

And for some, gut-wrenching change is in the cards.  “Just mangled guts pretending” is their lot.  By this, I think Kushner wrote of the excruciating pain of acting purposefully when their lives have been torn asunder by “the thousand natural shocks that flesh is heir to” (Shakespeare, Hamlet) or some particular devastating “shock.”  It takes real to courage to act, and to act purposefully, when our lives have been torn apart.

I now have a youtube clip of the above scene:

The Apostle Paul and Anxiety

Leave a reply

The Apostle Paul wrote to the Corinthians telling them that he had been with them “in weakness, and fear, and much trembling.”  I think Paul was referring to what clinicians would describe as “mood vacillation”.  But, to put it in terms of plain English, Paul was saying that he had mood swings, that he battled anxiety and depression.  And I suggest that this stemmed from genuine faith and genuine faith includes a lot of self doubt, awareness of personal demons, and personal insecurities.

A key element in the development of my faith has been giving up certainty and the compulsive need to be “right.”  And when one does this, he/she often deals with “weakness, fear, and much trembling” in his/her day to day life.  This is merely part of being alive and being open to the full gamut of human experience, the full gamut of spiritual experience.  Toni Morrison described it as being “petal open.”

In closing, I would like to recommend reading Richard Rohr re the Apostle Paul.  (You will have to google these terms.  I’m’ still learning how to provide links!)

 

Emptiness beckons

3 Replies

We put thirty spokes together and call it a wheel;

But it is on the space where there is nothing that the usefulness of the wheel depends.

We turn clay to make a vessel;

But it is on the space where there is nothing that the usefulness of the vessel depends.

We pierce doors and windows to make a house;

And it is on these spaces where there is nothing that the usefulness of the house depends.

Therefore just as we take advantage of what is, we should recognize the usefulness of what is not.

I’ve always loved this aphorism of Lao Tzu.  It pre-dates the wisdom of Jesus who taught that only when we are empty are we filled.  Specifically, I make reference to the doctrine of kenosis, or “self-emptying” taught in Phillipians 2:7 by the Apostle Paul.  It is so difficult to take pause in our day to day life, practice a “mindful” moment, and catch a glimpse of our ego-fullness.

And once again, I quote Rilke who noted re the “hero”—- “Daily he takes himself off and steps into the changing constellation of his own everlasting risk.”

homo sapiens sapiens

Leave a reply

“Consciousness is the subtle and all-embracing mystery within and between Everything. It is like the air we breathe, take for granted, and do not appreciate. Consciousness is not the seeing but that which sees me seeing. You must step back from your compulsiveness, and your attachment to yourself, to be truly conscious. Consciousness cannot be “just me” because it can watch “me” from a distance.”  (Richard Rohr)

Rohr’s comment reminds me of a phrase that a friend recently introduced to me—“homo sapiens sapiens” or “man knows that he knows”.  We all “know” but it is possible for us to “know that we know” and immediately we have went “meta”.  That means we have developed a conscious awareness of our “awareness”.   Someone once said, and I think it was the philosopher Ricoeur , “We cannot have a perspective on our perspective without somehow escaping it.”

This meta-cognition is important as it introduced a “gap” (see Deepak Chopra) into our reality.  It gives us pause.  And, in that pause we have an opportunity to realize that there might be another way of looking at the world.

Forgiveness

2 Replies

Julia Kristeva’s book, Hatred and Forgiveness, is an excellent exploration of the experience of forgiveness.  Kristeva explores the issue from a variety of perspectives and concludes that psychoanalysis is best suited for the accomplishment of forgiveness.  I would broaden this observation to include “talk therapy” in general.

Kristeva, in this book and others, develops the notion that forgiveness is more than a conceptual process.  If we are trapped in the conceptual world, then we are not likely to allow the experience of forgiveness to be constellated in the depths of our heart.  For, forgiveness does not begin with a concretely existing deity dwelling “out there.”  It is an essential element in the depths of our psyche and can be resurrected if we are willing to “unpack our heart with words.”   (Shakespeare)

self soothing strategies

Leave a reply

In my practice as a therapist, “self-soothing” strategies were a basic intervention that I offered.  This refers to behaviors and patterns of thought which would help the client cope more adaptively with “the thousand natural shocks which flesh is heir to.”  (Shakespeare, “Hamlet”)   These could be something as simple as saying a brief mantra from time to time, planting a flower, taking a walk, watching a favorite tv show, or preparing a special meal.

I was made aware last week how this same notion of “self-soothing” can apply to spirituality/religion.  I was at a thrift shop and encountered a person who frustrated and angered me, inducing…shall we say…unsavory thoughts.  I immediately trotted out a little contrivance that I’ve borrowed from the Buddhists—“mindfulness”—and was able to then step back from moment and recognize this evocation of feelings in my heart.  I recognized that this immediately made me feel better about myself and spared me from the orgy of shame and guilt which once would have beset me.

Now some would respond to an experience like this with a trip to the confessional or would silently (or openly) castigate himself/herself for being such a sinner.  But each of these three maneuvers is merely a “self-soothing” activity and each has its place….though I much prefer mine!  It is important to have strategies to make us feel better about ourselves, to assuage our guilt/shame over the misdeeds or errant thoughts that come daily.

 

Be nice!

Leave a reply

I watched the Republican debate last night and was made aware of how important it is to “be nice.”  Even when we have strong feelings about something…such as political issues…it is important to realize that we can still “be nice” even as we feel very intensely.  As the two parties gear up for the 2012 election, it is important to remember that it is kind of like being on the playground and choosing sides for some scrap football game, then wanting, re the opponent, “to kick their ass.”  It is fun to win and part of the energy flowing on the political scene is that of a horse race….if I might switch metaphor here…and I want my pony to win.

And the need to “be nice” is always present.  As I lead my day-to-day life, there are often feelings of unpleasantness re other people I come in contact with.   And I try to practice “mindfulness” and recognize these thoughts and feelings as they come.  And it is often very helpful to remember the notion of “random acts of kindness” and respond appropriately.

The media is so often “not nice.”  It is almost as if they seek stories to hold out before us in which someone has acted foolishly and shamefully.  It is so rewarding to listen to or read of these people and snicker, laugh, or heap scorn upon them.  I often think of Michael Jackson and how he became a scapegoat for us.  Sure, he was….well…Michael Jackson.  Michael made some horrible choices because he wrestled with deep-seated personal demons.  But we went too far in ridicule of him.  I recently read where he had acknowledged this experience and how it made him feel.—“Yeah, Wacko Jacko, where did that come from? Some English tabloid. I have a heart and I have feelings. I feel that when you do that to me. It’s not nice.”

Michael suffered a lot in his life, and caused suffering to others, but we didn’t have to demonize him.  When I was a child we had “the village idiot” and it was so fun to view him with contempt, scorn, and derisive humor.  But it was “not nice.”  So, today, let’s all “be nice!”

Purity and Danger

Leave a reply

Mary Douglas, a noted anthropologist, wrote a very provocative book in 1966 entitled, Purity and Danger.  In this book she explains the origin of a need for purity in primitive tribes and the perceived “danger” of impurity.  (And though I hear described this as a “perceived” danger, that is not to dismiss the very real danger of impurity run amok.  Boundaries are necessary.)

I was raised in a sectarian, fundamentalist church which also emphasized purity and did so to excess.  It emphasized rules and regulations to a fault, believing that the essential dimension of Christian piety was combating the forces of darkness, inside and outside.  And to those who failed to live up to those standards there was always a hefty dollop of shame and guilt that was heaped upon them.  In retrospect, I now see that shame and guilt was the essence of their belief system.

We have modern-day examples of purity run amok.  The best one is the Taliban.  It was interesting, though horrifying, to watch them rise to power as they emphasized purity morally, politically, and socially.  But purity when it is running amok always runs out of grist for its mill when its primary focus is within its own ranks.  At some point the machinery of purity has done all it can do within its own ranks and has to turn its focus outside, seeking to purify the world.  Unfortunately for groups like this, the outside world always has a mind of its own and fights back.

Now there is nothing wrong with purity.  It is an essential dimension of human experience.  But mature purity will recognize that the impurity that it resists cannot be obliterated and that the very effort to obliterate it will result in a catastrophe if balance is not found.  As Jung noted, “What we resists, persists.”  The goal is to acknowledge the presence of impurity in our hearts and actions but to consciously pursue the pure instead.  And I think that the Christian obligation to “confess ours sins, one to another” (James 5:16) is a ritual that facilitates this recognition of impurity and provides an opportunity for catharsis.