Tag Archives: Mary Karr

SEX!

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Well, I thought that would get your attention!

Actually, all I have to offer is a bunch of random quotes about sexuality that have stuck in my mind over the years.

One of my favorites is from Woody Allen, “Of course sex is dirty. If you do it right.” Recently I read a line from Mary Karr when she was describing her failing marriage, “Any sex that took place was of the calf-roping kind.” And I love H. L. Mencken’s pithy observation, “The trouble with abstinence is its over emphasis of sex.” Shakespeare in Othello described a copulating couple as “making the beast with two backs.” And then there is the beautifully worded phrase from the Old Testament, “the way of a man with a maiden.”

Musings re “The Secret”

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As indicated yesterday, Rhonda Byrne‘s book, The Secret, has been helpful to me.   But, I do have reservations.

For example, I do wander about using the “Law of attraction” to obtain a parking spot or
fabulous wealth. Though, true enough, perhaps if I felt differently I would be
wealthy and would readily find a parking spot each time I needed!  Oh me of
little faith!

The issue is the unconscious dimension of our experience. The real, the
essential negative self-talk takes place beneath the surface in the form of old
recordings buried deep in our neurological structure. And, yes, since they are
“unconscious” we can’t see them because then they would be conscious! BUT, we
can be self-aware and be honest about the images that flutter through our
conscious mind and about the poor choices that we make. Then, we can ferret out
what these old recordings are.  Or at least some of them.

I’m casting doubt on just how much impact “the power of positive thinking” can
play when our wounds are buried deeply in our subterranean depths. But, it
can’t do any harm to become conscious of “stinkin thinkin” and practice new
refrains or mantras. In other words, it can’t do any harm to attempt to
re-program our brain. It won’t do any harm to attempt to “brain-wash” ourselves
anew with positive and affirming thoughts. For, “brain-washing” is what
happened in the first place.

Let me share something that has been personally useful. I think it was Rumi who
noted once, “The only antidote to depression is praise.” Here, I’m going to
exercise literary license and replace “praise” with “offering thanks.”  Then I
can apply a couple of admonishments from the Bible, such as, “Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.”

What Rumi had in mind was that when life gets grim, we can still exercise choice
and focus on the many good things that are present in our life, even if it is
nothing but the blessing of the very breath of life itself. It has helped me,
when despair beckons, to “pray the alphabet” which Mary Karr taught me in her
memoir, Lit. “Praying the alphabet”, in this context, means going down the
alphabet and making yourself find something or someone starting with each letter
of the alphabet for which you can give thanks. This gets interesting with X, Z,
and Q; but I manage! The beauty of this strategy is that it is on some level a
simple cognitive behavioral therapy strategy. You can’t whole-heartedly focus
on more than one thing at a time. So, focusing on the wonderful things in your
life can pre-occupy you for a moment and take your attention away from that
gnawing despair.

Mary Karr and prayer

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Mary Karr has written three best selling memoirs—-Cherry, The Liars Club, Lit.  She has also written several books of poetry.  Her writings chronicle a very difficult life in a small East Texas town in the 1960’s.  Her parents were conflicted….to say the least…and she soon turned to drugs and alcohol.  Her last memoir, Lit, summarizes again her upbringing as well as her marital woes, difficulties in raising her son, and her continued descent into alcohol and drugs.  Her writing was the only thing that kept her going.  She finally “bottomed out”, as they say, and ended up in a rehab and in a 12-step group.  Recovery was very difficult for her and one of the most difficult parts of it was learning to pray.  Her sponsor told her prayer was a necessary part of the process but, having been raised in a very irreligious, even atheistic, home prayer was difficult.  As she began to pray, she prayed angrily and disrespectfully to God.  But she was honest.  She learned that she had to kneel to pray.  That too was hard.  But slowly she relented and began to pray fervently and today prayer is an essential part of her life.  She became a Catholic  One thing she learned to do, upon instruction, was to “pray the alphabet.”  This meant going down the alphabet and finding some to correspond with each letter to give things to God for.

I now “pray the alphabet” myself.  This has a meditative dimension for me, helping me to focus and helping me to meditate.  Another thing that has helped me immensely is to realize that there is not a corporally-existing deity “out there” who is listening avidly to my prayer, waiting to heed to be beck and call.  I don’t know where the prayers go but I do believe they make a difference.  I just don’t know how and I don’t need to know.  I know that spiritual leaders over the centuries have advocated prayer.  If people like Paul Tillich, Martin Buber, St. John of the Cross, Meister Eckhart….not to mention the “upper echelon” of teachers such as Jesus…then it is important to pray.  One important dimension is that it offers good energy to others and to our world.  (See Peter Begsa re quantum physics and prayer.)  And, also check out this link for an interview of Mary Karr and her struggles with prayer, the church, and spirituality as a whole:   http://www.poetryfoundation.org/poetrymagazine/article/175809 .