And one trembles to be so understood and, at last, To understand, as if to know became The fatality of seeing things too well. –Wallace Stevens
Matthew Warren, the son of widely-renown evangelical pastor Rick Warren, has taken his life. Only in his mid-twenties, the report from his father was that his son had struggled with depression and “mental illness” for most of his life, often pining for death to ease his pain. I was deeply troubled by this story, so sorry for the young man who was so overcome with the difficulty of life and for his family whose life has now been shaken to the core.
“You who watched Matthew grow up knew he was an incredibly kind, gentle, and compassionate man,” Warren wrote. “He had a brilliant intellect and a gift for sensing who was most in pain or most uncomfortable in a room. He’d then make a bee-line to that person to engage and encourage them.”
This anecdote from Pastor Warren reveals that Matthew was a very sensitive soul, who could be described as “having boundary problems” and taking on the troubles and pain of other people. In my trade, I once heard a psychiatrist describe a similar soul as suffering from “porosity of boundaries.”
I don’t know anything about the Matthew and never will. But I certainly identify with him as I know what it is like to overly-identify with other people and, on occasion to cross a line and take on more of their pain than I should. That is why I was a “mental health professional” and often could have uttered the famous words of Bill Clinton, “I feel your pain.” But, mercifully my “porosity” never reached the extreme of this young man and I’ve never had to battle with suicidality.
Life is really painful. Most people are “blessed” with blinders but some are not so fortunate. If they are lucky, they will be able to channel this anguish into a productive outlet…art, music, “care-giving” professions, ministry, etc….; otherwise, they suffer terribly and sometimes opt for the “bare bodkin” that Hamlet pined for. Most cultures do not make room for young men and women of this cut, those who “see things too well.” This greatly exacerbates their pain, forcing them to suffer in isolation. I’m reminded again of the wisdom of Leonardo da Vinci:
O cities of the sea, I behold in you your citizens, women as well as men tightly bound with stout bonds around their arms and legs by folk who will not understand your language; and you will only be able to give vent to your griefs and sense of loss of liberty by making tearful complaints, and sighs, and lamentations one to another; for those who bind you will not understand your language nor will you understand them. Leonardo da Vinci, from “Of Children in Swaddling Clothes”. Just as Jaspers would note, da Vinci knew that we “have to take it where we find it.”
literary lew 
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me re-bloggeth 🙂
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Reblogged this on I N N E R D I A L E C T.
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Lewis, I appreciate your touching and candid post. Yesterday morning, the suicide of Mr. Warren was the first news I read. What stood out the most on the news article was also what you quoted from his father:
“He had a brilliant intellect and a gift for sensing who was most in pain or most uncomfortable in a room. He’d then made a bee-line to that person to engage and encourage them.”
Your title “The Pain of “Seeing Things Too Well” basically describes a condition that many mental health professionals, unfortunately, tend to overlook if they are inclined to not stay abreast of the research. A misdiagnoses may result. The medicines they often prescribe might be ineffective and possibly exacerbate the condition, which could lead to suicide.
Low Latent Inhibition (LLI)—hyper-awareness.
I’m not saying that this is what Matthew had, but it’s certainly possible. I have this condition, and learning about LLI, through research, helped me develop tools to manage the condition. Even with the coping skills I’ve developed, at times, I can still feel overwhelmed by the influx of stimuli, especially with regard to humanitarian/human rights issues. Now you know why I can sometimes seem so ‘intense’. *wink wink* I consider the condition to be a blessing, but it can have a down side if one is not aware they have LLI. It’s not a mental illness, but can predispose some to mental illness under certain conditions, as mentioned in Harvard and University of Tennessee studies. (1st post) http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f34/low-latent-inhibition-38093/
Not everyone who has LLI thinks about or wants to commit suicide. I think you will find the symptoms listed in the link below, interesting. You may even be able to identify with many of them, both the pros and cons. Keep in mind that there are various degrees of LLI, and not everyone with LLI will exhibit all these symptoms.
This link lists the pros
http://danavenz-ucsdpag.blogspot.com/2009/07/latent-and-low-latent-inhibition.html
This one lists the cons
http://samantics.net/2010/05/03/low-latent-inhibition/
As one who lost a spouse (my best friend), to suicide, I extend my deepest, heartfelt condolences to Matthew Warren’s family and friends. 😦
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Thanks for your comments. The “LLI” sounds so interesting and I have it too with the corresponding intensity. I will check the video out later. Always good to hear from you.
Lewis
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You’re welcome, Lewis. Btw, I didn’t post any video. Just links that show the advantages and disadvantages of LLI, and an abstract of the U of T and Harvard studies. =)
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Ok. I’ll check out the links.
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